Focus

I'm still finding it's difficult to focus. I can't decide whether to talk about it w/ others or not. Part of me wants to tell someone, but another part of me says to just be quiet and try to live normally. How can I live normally? This is on my mind all the time. I try to keep busy, but it's always there in my mind, humming in the background. I just want to let it go for a few days and relax a bit. It's not imminent after all. Why not just put it out of my mind for a few days? Indeed, if it were so easy, I would have forgotten already. And of course, I have to get my blood tested again this week. Once a month updates now. We'll keep right on top of this kidney failure so I can rush to get a transplant as soon as it's necessary. Damn. The only reason I want to tell people is to get them thinking about donating their kidneys to me. It seems crazy, but I suspect some of my friends will show interest.

My husband told our close friends this weekend and surprisingly, they haven't emailed me. They are both quite young and maybe they don't understand the significance. Then again, maybe my husband made it seem less major so they wouldn't worry much. He might have exaggerated the estimated time I have left on my native kidneys.

Speaking of my husband, he is acting really close to me. Sitting near me a lot and kissing me differently. I don't like it. I know that sounds awful, but I don't like being treated differently, AT ALL. I don't want to deal w/ this.