Feeling Sorry

Today I am feeling a bit sorry for myself. I just realized it a moment ago. I had to attend a meeting this morning after which I typically feel awful. It's my own fault. Also, with the shootings at Virginia Tech, I am feeling so bad for those people.

I have received several cards from family and friends. They are thinking of me -- wishing me strength and reassurances. Another card arrived last night. The cards are thoughtful, but they disturb me. They make me think about the situation. I'm trying to live a normal life and if I think about my kidneys too much, I begin to realize the gravity of my medical condition. I know how upset I was when I initially heard and I don't want to be back in that place again. Feeling sorry for myself is the last thing I should let happen. I don't want to talk about it w/ others because it feels odd. When they know, the knowledge of it hangs in the air during our conversations. They don't say anything about it, but I know they know. It's heavy in the room. That makes things all that much more difficult for me since it's impossible for me to be "normal." Perhaps it's me projecting those feelings, but I suspect not.

I still haven't heard from our very good friends who live outside the U.S. Not an email, card or phone call. I guess different people deal with this differently.

I haven't been to the gym in a week. I need to go today, but I have a hair appointment. Tomorrow we go to the accountant. Who knows when I'll get back to the gym.