Wow, are things messed up today. I should be prepared for it by now. I was up up up yesterday and it just figures I'd dip down a bit today. Things can't stay up all the time. I just wish the highs would last longer than they do. I've been battling it this afternoon -- the grumps. I find myself lying to people about how I feel. I don't know why I do that. I guess I want to portray of picture of health and happiness which is not so unusual, but there also is nothing wrong with feeling bla. One minute I want to put my running shoes on and run for miles and miles...the next I want to get more work done...work hard and keep busy....yet another minute later I want to get a pedicure...anything except go home and sit on the couch in that house. I have this desire to be completely alone for a few days. Maybe leave town for a while and just be alone. I'm not usually like that and I don't quite understand where it's coming from.
The best I can do is to go to the gym and be alone with that crowd of people working out. Or stay at work in my office, but I want to be outside. Go for a walk maybe or ride my bike, but just be alone and think.
The transplant coordinator emailed me yesterday to say that we'd finish up the crossmatch after the July 4th holiday. My cousin will mail her blood overnight Monday the 9th. I'll give blood on July 10th and the crossmatch will be done that week. We should know Thursday or Friday. I'm a little irritated that this didn't happen this week. There's really no reason why it couldn't have been done this week. I was here Tuesday (yesterday), but the coordinator didn't even consider it. And since next week has 7/4 in the middle of the week, we apparently can't to the crossmatch over that day. I guess nobody's in the lab on July 4? Who fucking knows. In any case, I know that I have time, but I just don't like not knowing.
The next question is when I'll get the transplant. Oh, hell, I wish I knew.
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