Today was my last day at work before the surgery. (We go in early Friday morning for the surgery.) Several co-workers gave me cards and gifts like magazines and slippers. It's very thoughtful. I wrapped up my duties as well as I could. We managed to run through a lot of features of the software package before I left so that's good. I stopped in to see most of my close co-workers on my way out. Then ran into 3 more on my way out -- what good timing! I set my away message on email, changed my voice mail, and left early.
My cousin arrived Monday and we've been able to spend some time together, catching up. I want everyone to meet her. Maybe they will at the hospital. The thing is, I didn't choose to have this disease, nor is this surgery an option for me. But she chose to give me a kidney. She's doing something amazing completely out of the goodness of her heart. It's overwhelming.
But still my emotions haven't set in. I feel disconnected much of the time. I suspect that's just how my brain is dealing with the situation. I suppose I am more quiet than usual and I'm certainly much more tired, yet I don't have any clear feelings. People say 2 things to me most often: 1) You'll be fine (or something similar) and 2) How do you feel? I don't know how I feel and I'm an honest person, so I usually say that. I'm not nervous. I'm not scared. I am having a hard time believing it's really going to happen -- but I'm not going to think hard about it because the day will be here soon and there isn't any way to prepare for it after all. I think I'm a lot stronger than I knew.
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3 comments:
Good luck, Heather! I remember vividly the final days leading up to my wife's kidney transplant surgery - almost ten years ago now. Those were very anxious times waiting for "the big day" to finally arrive. The reality is that everything went very smoothly and that the new kidney had an immediate positive effect on how good she felt. I imagine you'll find the same will be true for you as well. I wish you the best as you go through your recovery period.
I just found your blog today while searching for "wheatgrass and kidney transplant" on google. I have been through 2 transplants and am only 35 years old and am now healthier(50 lbs lighter) than i ever was. Trust me when i tell you that you dont even realize how bad you feel all the time until you get your new kidney and feel awesome. Look forward to keeping up with you. Feel free to contact with questions.
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